Life and Limb: Johnny Whoops

June 02, 2017 by Scott Todnem

Like the human hand, ups and downs are always connected, always a part of who we are. Inseparable. We are a compilation of our actions— both the virtues and downfalls. We are a series of trips and tangles, of conquests and clarity, all in a beautifully imperfect melody up the spiral staircase of progress. The creaks in the floorboards give each step character. The chips in the railing, a sign of reassurance.

Failure and success. All there, at the tips of our proverbial fingers.

When Push Comes to Shove: Beyond a Shadow of Self-Doubt

December 30, 2016 by Scott Todnem

There was a time when I kept a pen and notebook on my bedside stand. The goal was to record all those midnight thoughts that seem so intensely important… and also to recall dreams and nightmares to relive the brain’s strangest moments.

I had a dream one night that took me into a jolting and enlightening encounter with a ghost. It was so realistic that it jarred me from deep sleep. Upon waking in the dark hours of the middle of that night, I quickly jotted down a couple lines of scratchy, half-complete thoughts. Configured into full sentence form in the morning, they left me with the beginning of what sounded like a future movie script right there in my journal:

You figured out why ghosts exist.

Water Under the Bridge: The Big Wave of Guilt

January 02, 2016 by Scott Todnem

I can count on one hand the number of times I've been in the ocean. The leading memory being the Pacific while on my first honeymoon. Hawaii. It was while surfing off the coast of Maui in my mid-twenties that I vividly remember being consumed by the water in a sudden, overwhelming spin of a *cough* quite modest wave on a learner's beach. It was nothing, really, except a good old-fashioned wipeout. Upturned and smacked right in the face like a complete newbie.

Also consuming within that memory was the spinning experience of a new marriage. I remember thinking I'd look back at pictures of the trip for years to come. It made me think about being old; it made me contemplate one of the biggest decisions of my young life. And my mind wandered to its usual level of ridiculousness... with just a hint of premonition.

"I wonder where we'll live when we're wrinkly and looking back at these pictures of now. Will I remember driving this Jeep around the island listening to punk rock? If I have kids they'll probably think my hair was really dark. Will I remember these striped trees that look like candy? I may never be this skinny again. Did I make the right decision in marriage?"

The Early Bird Gets the Worm: Every Day Matters

September 10, 2015 by Scott Todnem

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. I chose to write today instead of earlier in the month because of the meaning and symbolism behind this day. Each year, September's focus elicits an awareness in me of the journey we are all a part of-- the struggle to constantly stamp out inner demons. The difficult fight within.

My battle? Like any other, perhaps, with the beautiful disaster in the details.
I doubt myself every day. I never know if I’m good enough. Good as a dad, good as a teacher, as a coach, as a friend, as a husband... as a person.

I may not be an early bird, but every day I rise and shine regardless, for those I need and for those who need me.