A Lesson in Graceful Confrontation

by Britt Crowe

I've been trying to face the music head on for the past several years as a form of self improvement and it definitely has its challenges and failures. Being more self aware has overall been a positive experience though.

"You're more of a freight train than an Indy car," my husband once mused. He has watched me do lots of things with intense determination and direct forward motion. I take a very head on, full out approach to pretty much anything I do in my life. I also approach issues with very little filter and try to be as honest and upfront as possible, in most situations.

I take more of the approach that "We're going to figure this out right here, right now, we're going to solve the shit out of this problem and we're going to move onward with strength and ferocity!" When a situation is dealt with in passive aggressive manner, it's incredibly stressful and anxiety inducing so confronting it is far less stressful for me. Wondering what other people are thinking or feeling, if I can't already sense it, is a huge weight on my shoulders and I would rather just sort it out right away.

Spoiler alert: I have found that most people don't really work like that. Trying to face obstacles, conflict, or awkwardness with such a quickness can push people away with a driving force. Sometimes it's intimidating to others, sometimes people need more space before they can come back to the situation, or sometimes people would rather let it be and move on. Allowing very little time to process a situation that might be awkward or conflictual isn't always the best course of action. I usually think it's better if things are set out on the table clearly and swiftly but sometimes (many times) it's better to sit back and do some thinking before acting.

My intentions are always good with this attitude, but the end result can often times not be positive. I think I have the hard part down, the confronting part, but finding a decent balance between direct confrontation and necessary space is the real skill.

I guess understanding that is also facing the music as well.