by Michelle Lynn
Stream of Consciousness Writing by the Sleep Deprived.
It’s that late already? I really meant to get in here sooner. Wait. I think my alarm clock is ten minutes faster than the clock on the microwave. I should check that. It is. I wonder how that happened. I bet it’s from trying to hit the alarm off in the morning, and missing, and then advancing the time ahead. I wonder how off the time would be if I didn’t change it back for over a year? 11:11 I always look at the time in palindromes. That’s a palindrome, right? Same forwards as backwards. I wonder what the odds are that I always look at the clock like that? It has to be pretty rare. Maybe I only remember looking at the clock though when I mentally note it’s a palindrome. I bet I look at the clock a lot more than I actually think, but it’s just memorable when it happens to be a palindrome. When in Rome. That doesn’t apply, but it rhymes. The word Rome still makes me laugh. I wish I could remember how old I was when I discovered that “Roman Cokes” were actually rum and cokes. It’s funny how people can mishear things so often, and be confused for so long. It feels really warm in here. I don’t want to turn the air up. The electric bill was already too high last month, and it’s just April. Forgot to sew the button back on my Spring jacket. I wonder if it’s still in the right hand pocket. That was over a year ago, but I haven’t worn it since. I better get up and check. I don’t have to sew it now, but I can in the morning. Just want to make sure that it’s still there. It is. That was the day I was going to Olive Garden with my Grandmother. I shouldn’t have tugged at it so hard as I was driving. I don’t even notice I’m pulling or gripping too tightly sometimes. I haven’t talked to her in so long. I should really call her. No, I’d rather email her. I don’t know what to say. She’ll probably just lecture me for not calling in so long. I wonder if that’s how it will be when I’m old. Will people just not call me for months at a time. Will I just be sitting there all alone, waiting for someone to contact me. I might be grumpy then too. I never thanked my friend for that article on using lavender oil to help you sleep. It doesn’t really, but it was nice of her to think of me. I should really send her an email now before I forget again. I can just keep it short. I’d rather just send a message through Facebook or a text. Email seems formal or something now. If I get on Facebook though, I’m sure someone will see I’m active. They’ll want to talk, but if they need to talk then it’s good that I am there. My left temple has a stabbing pain in it. I keep getting migraines. I wonder if I have a tumor. I should Google that. Never mind. That’s not going to help me relax. I don’t understand why that woman at the meeting today looked at me so strangely when I said that I don’t have a credit card, just a debit card? It doesn’t mean anything is wrong or I can’t get one. It just means I don’t like using them. Hey, that’s what the En Vogue song meant by the lyrics, “Buy things with cash. That doesn’t mean that all my credit’s bad.” I never understood that until now. Wait. Did I put that book in my school bag that I want to copy a page out of tomorrow? I better check that. Funny. I don’t remember doing that. Her covers look too close to her face. I wonder if that makes it harder for her to breathe. Should I pull them down? I don’t want to wake her. I don’t want her to not be able to breathe though either. I better just pull them down a little. There. That’s better. I never made any notes for that presentation tomorrow. I never look at my notes though anyway. Maybe I should just practice what I want to say in my head now. That’s kind of like rehearsing. Why won’t that dog stop barking. It’s been hours. I wonder what he wants? I hope they didn’t leave for the night and not leave him any water again. Maybe he’s hungry? I just need him to stop barking. I can’t sleep. I don’t like the way the fabric of the pillowcase rubs on my earrings. That feeling really bothers me. I could take them out, but they are so small. I don’t think my holes would close up now. It’s been a really long time since I had them pierced. It was weird how that guy at the grocery store asked how many piercings I had in the other ear. I wouldn’t have a different number than I had in my left ear. I think people used to do that though. I’m thirsty. I should just drink water, because I think that anything else will keep me up. I hope that the secretary knew I was being sarcastic when I said, “no kidding” to her. I might have said it in the wrong tone. It might have upset her. She shifted a little in her chair and looked down before laughing. That’s usually a sign of discomfort. I really hope I didn’t make her uncomfortable. I’ll have to walk by and say something nice tomorrow. Tomorrow. It’s almost tomorrow. I better just really try and sleep now. I can get almost two and a half hours if I fall asleep this second…
Truth be told. I don’t have a sleeping problem. It's more like I have a thinking problem.