Being Fooled By Expectation

by Britt Crowe

So many times in our lives we create ideas in our heads about how something should be.

We imagine how a certain situation would go down or what we expect from an action we take, how people should be reacting to something we do.

To be fooled means that you have been tricked or duped. To be a fool means you are deficient in judgement or wisdom. If one feels fooled, they will feel foolish, most likely to never to do that particular action again but depending on the action, I raise you a challenge: what if you just change your expectations?

Example: you go out of your way to do something nice for someone whether it's a friend or a stranger, and you don't receive a thank you or an acknowledgement. Does that mean you should never do it again? I say no. Do it again. But change your expectation of your action because sometimes it's good to do a nice thing for someone. The positive actions and words that you put out into the world, whether they are recognized or acknowledged, I feel bring you good things to your life and help you develop a more positive outlook.

I like making things for people or getting things that are specific to their interests. I try to put a lot of thought into gifts usually and I enjoy the extra effort it takes to do so. But there was a time in my life where I made sure the tallies were even with friends, that in my mind, each person was pulling their weight or giving evenly. It was a horrible outlook because 1) It is exhausting, and 2) Friendship is not a fucking game.

I soon realized that at different times in my life, I needed my friends to support me more than I could support them. Sometimes the stresses of life disallow you from giving all you can and that's when the "tallies" go up on the other side. Also, my friends give friendship in different ways than I do. Part of being a good friend is being a greatfriend when it's hard or inconvenient. This doesn't mean that there shouldn't be balance; there should. You can't give away so much of yourself all the time without getting somethings in return. That's not a realistic expectation. But having a defensive or tallying attitude all the time doesn't always work either.

You shouldn't allow people to treat you badly or allow yourself to fall into unhealthy patterns. If you give too many times without receiving, it can be draining. Just as well, if someone is manipulating or taking advantage of you, it's important to remove yourself from the situation immediately. But just because you do something and get into a situation that didn't go the way you planned originally, that doesn't mean you are a fool.

Changing your outlook and expectations can surprise you (in good and bad ways) but you will also be prepared for any outcome which is liberating. The chances of you getting hurt go down significantly and your mind is more open.

Next time you think about giving of yourself and going outside of your box, consider doing it just to do it instead of what it will bring you. You never know where it will lead you.