Pain and Relief, Bundled

October 15, 2015 by Scott Todnem

Some of us are better equipped to deal with what feels like failure, and yet others can be so consumed emotionally and physically that starting from scratch just feels like what we do in life. Again and again we pick up, move on and decide what parts of our past experience are valuable enough to hold on to… and which parts we’d rather leave behind.

Most of us would probably agree that in some form or another, we are shaped by our past-- our life experiences, positive or negative, have a conditioning effect as we begin again.

Reckoning Home

October 14, 2015 by Scott Todnem

Sometimes something so big happens that you can’t really understand it all at once.

Yet you must move forward, go through the motions – life is not optional. The sun rises and sets, rises and sets, with or without your head in the game. And that is where you find me here.

My mother died in March – she was the last piece of my original family.

Starting From Scratch with Three Things

October 12, 2015 by Scott Todnem

Tradition stands in my family. The symbolism here is that while we were making breakfast from scratch, my sister and I were also starting our relationship from scratch. We had moments of peace in that breakfast where we both respected the tradition. We got to eliminate the distance between us and look at each other face-to-face instead of over Skype or email and get re-acquainted with each other’s human side.

We softened to the situation.

Learn All the Things, All the Time, Everywhere, Everyday

October 08, 2015 by Scott Todnem

Starting over at a new high paying job in a position that suits your attributes perfectly may make you nervous but it is also exciting; inversely, finding out you have lost your job with no prospects in sight in the future can dramatically change that experience to a freighting one. There is a third situation where people try to actively seek out new experiences willingly just for the excitement of it. These people are typically considered thrill seekers who just can't get enough of pushing the limits of their bodies, minds and their loved ones nerves.

In some instances the people who seek new experiences aren't out to conquer the world performing dangerous acts, but may show up as multiple carriers or hobbies. I fall into the latter category.

The Wonder of a New Day

October 07, 2015 by Scott Todnem

Watching my almost toddler play outside this morning and being entirely too energetic and excited for 7am, I started thinking about how she views the world (and the morning), in comparison to how I view it.

She wakes up laughing (much earlier than my son ever did) and calling out for one of us to come in and get her out of bed. She giggles and plays while she eats her breakfast and watches a cartoon while we get ourselves ready for the day.

Slip-ups

October 06, 2015 by Scott Todnem

That was their world, but Larry and Veronica always kept an eye on the next step. Smiling together at night, after the kids were all home and safe in their beds, about the places they’d go and the things they’d see.

By 50, the kids were off at college, or married or moved away. The looming prospect of time to themselves seemed delicious and within their grasp.

Years of financial planning, saving and being patient so when the time came they would be able to go where they wanted, when they wanted and live out the rest of their days how they wanted had been their focus.

There’s no clear moment, looking back now, when it all changed.

Before Someone Else

September 15, 2015 by Scott Todnem

Everyone is trying to get that new idea first they believe will change their way of living or someone else, although the reason someone starts this endeavor may be either purposeful or by accident. Sometimes this comes with a financial loss or gain down the road.

Your ability to innovate comes down to finance, passion, amount of risk and most importantly a useful idea. Your "idea" must incite change along with a passionate following but also must make enough money so that it is reproducible/efficient.

Seeing Past the Smoke

July 14, 2015 by Scott Todnem

Everything in moderation seems to be good advice for most things.

Eat in moderation, drink in moderation, work in moderation, sleep in moderation– dare it not be too much or too little. Dare you step out of the lines of life already drawn out for you. Moderation keeps people in a nice neat box. And because most people follow the rules, life and society exist in moderation.

Life continuously flows, day in and day out, sun up and sun down.

But nothing happens in moderation. Nothing. Inertia happens. It might keep life easy but nothing is changing or growing, it just rolls right along into the next day.

Always Waiting

June 26, 2015 by Scott Todnem

Time is an odd thing conceptually for me. Conventional wisdom would tell you that we should live in the present but we must constantly evaluate our past to process our present to secure our future. Time in general has a different context for everyone, from physicist to philosophers and spiritual advisers.

There is one constant truth no matter what your belief is on the subject. Time is finite for a living being and we all strive to do something important with it that makes us feel valuable.

Do You Want To Go Get Ice Cream?

May 08, 2015 by Scott Todnem

When you grow up in a small town, everything is conveniently packed into one location, so travel time and destination are often irrelevant conversation pieces. Even at my young age, I knew these routine trips ended in one of two places, either the Dairy Queen where I was promised we were going, or the Laundromat where I knew we shouldn’t be going.

Most of the time, I didn’t get ice-cream. My grandfather would take a deep breathe, look over at me, and tell me he needed to stop in at the laundromat to see his friend, Buddy, for a minute.

Being Fooled By Expectation

May 07, 2015 by Scott Todnem

So many times in our lives we create ideas in our heads about how something should be.

We imagine how a certain situation would go down or what we expect from an action we take, how people should be reacting to something we do.

To be fooled means that you have been tricked or duped. To be a fool means you are deficient in judgement or wisdom. If one feels fooled, they will feel foolish, most likely to never to do that particular action again but depending on the action, I raise you a challenge: what if you just change your expectations?

James Joyce was Probably an HSP with ADD

April 19, 2015 by Scott Todnem

Stream of Consciousness Writing by the Sleep Deprived.

It’s that late already? I really meant to get in here sooner. Wait. I think my alarm clock is ten minutes faster than the clock on the microwave. I should check that. It is. I wonder how that happened. I bet it’s from trying to hit the alarm off in the morning, and missing, and then advancing the time ahead. I wonder how off the time would be if I didn’t change it back for over a year? 11:11 I always look at the time in palindromes. That’s a palindrome, right? Same forwards as backwards…

A Lesson in Graceful Confrontation

March 23, 2015 by Scott Todnem

"You're more of a freight train than an Indy car," my husband once mused. He has watched me do lots of things with intense determination and direct forward motion. I take a very head on, full out approach to pretty much anything I do in my life. I also approach issues with very little filter and try to be as honest and upfront as possible.

Well, in most situations.

Hearing the Right Noise

March 05, 2015 by Scott Todnem

I come into contact with hundreds of people a day. Some are familiar faces but mostly they’re not. Some are willing to share literally a months worth of personal news with you, most of which I’d rather not know. And still others are just polite to you; they say please and thank you and walk out the door.

If I had to choose one kind of person I prefer, I’d actually say it's those who share their life story with me, because it is so completely opposite of how I am. It might take a year of knowing me before you get really personal information out of me. But these people are willing to share things with you, willing to be vulnerable within their first interaction with you.

They don’t care what you’ll think, they don’t worry how you’ll react, they just speak.

Listening by Ear

March 03, 2015 by Scott Todnem

Yesterday morning my daughter's grandfather died from a very short and rapid fight with cancer. After school, we sat her down, and explained what happened. It's never fun as a parent to tell your child something that you know will hurt her, and unfortunately that's had to happen far too much for her in her short lifetime. When I hear her laugh, it reassures me that she isn't forgetting how to be a kid. After several bouts of crying, I did hear her silly little laugh again, and it made my heavy heart happy.

Resting in bed with her last night she turned to me and she said, "Don't you think it's funny how people say memories of people are supposed to make you happy, but people aren't always happy when the people are actually here?"

Cake & Responsibilities; A Delicate Balance

February 18, 2015 by Scott Todnem

If you made a list of things you enjoy doing, what would it consist of? How often do you do them? Why do you like those activities? Do you take time out of your schedule to do them? Or do you put them last on your agenda? Guilt insinuates that some of the things we enjoy doing that aren't "necessary" are things we should feel bad about participating in. But participating in things we enjoy is very crucial to having a balanced life.

If you don't have things that make you happy, even if they are small, what would life be like?

Human Oddities

February 18, 2015 by Scott Todnem

We didn’t have many books in my house when I was growing up, so I memorized every one of them. My favorite was the small, hardcover text my mother kept wedged between her bible and the Farmer’s Almanacon her nightstand. I was merely nine the first time I gawked at this oddity. With my mouth agape, I stared hypnotically into the eyes of the bearded lady adorning the cover, but my mother quickly snatched it out of my hands and told me that I didn’t need to read a “weird” book like that.

Well, telling me not to do something has always been a surefire way to get me to do something, and it became my secret mission to sneak into my mother’s room and ogle over the grotesque images found between the pages of that mysterious book whenever I could.

Opportunity Doesn't Knock

January 12, 2015 by Scott Todnem

Flawless adjustment to new situations has not historically been my most prized virtue. There are a few suspects as the cause of that, but whatever it may have been, the fear of the unknown caused severe anxiety in my daily life from a pretty young age. Fear had me flat out refusing to participate in new things and step outside the box, stunting the growth of my confidence and limiting my potential greatly. Looking back on it, I'm almost disappointed in my younger self, even though I managed it the best way I knew how.

In any situation, I wish I would have asked myself, What's the worst that can happen?

New Year's Plans

January 06, 2015 by Scott Todnem

“So what’s your plan?” Everyone, even strangers and advertisements, want to know my New Year’s Eve plan right now. All this pressure to have a plan has had my head spinning for about a week. I am not joking. Most people that know me understand that I’m not much of a planner. For some reason, however, people are often under the false impression that I am super organized and meticulous in everything I do.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Embrace Uncertainty

January 02, 2015 by Scott Todnem

By all accounts throughout history there have been people who have failed but never recovered or learned from their mistakes, while others saw it as a way to progress towards something more or different. You could argue these traits are a form of nature versus nurture in terms of how people deal with adversity in their lives, but I think it's in someone's environment that shapes how they deal with those situations. The questions that come to mind for me are "What were their surroundings like? What about their parents, schooling, etc."

Everyone deals with a fear of failure but its how you perceive this new endeavor can dramatically change how you adapt in the future.